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Another Lame Review of the Year

December 31, 2012

Biggest flop: The Leveson Enquiry

The Leveson Enquiry was so boring. Everyone knew the answers to the questions Mr Jay was asking before he even asked them. Yet we had to go through it all. Let’s go over some facts:

Journalists pay the police for juicy tips when a person of interest gets arrested, investigated or questioned for anything.

Journalists use underhand and illegal tactics to invade the privacy of people to get stories.

Ordinary people were targets too  – you don’t have to be famous to be a person of interest. You just need to be involved in something that is a hot topic at any given time.

The public love to read all the juicy shit derived from the above methods.

Wow  – it took me 2 minutes to write the above. It took Leveson about 18 months and millions of pounds.

Most over-rated things: Skyfall , Gamesmakers and the Higgs Boson particle

Woo! Yeah!

Woo! Yeah!

Gamesmakers were volunteers who took two weeks paid annual leave from their day jobs to point, smile, and generally do things that were very easy and not at all taxing. They did this and then they went home. It was cool but the Games were made by all kinds of people and it was kind of work that needed to be done.  Volunteering is for life, not just for the Olympics and Paralympics. And they all got Swatches and umbrellas and a meal for each shift. I know volunteers who do it all year round for sweet FA. They are my people of the year and they will be every year.


It’s shit

Skyfall, worst Bond movie ever. Great cast, great acting, horrendous plot, ( after 12 weeks training and a half marathon my trainers were less cheesy) and ghastly dialogue. Some points (and spoilers):

GoldenEye already did the whole “pissed off agent from back in the day” thing, and did it better

Why would MI5 hire a Spanish agent?

Aren’t you supposed to keep servers in cool environments, and not on hot deserted islands? And aren’t they really noisy?

Why are all the Underground trains full, except the one that crashes?

Why didn’t Miss Moneypenny just send Bond a text, instead of flying all the way to China?

How come Judy Dench’s M didn’t need a secretary, but Ralph Fiennes’ does? Can’t men use Outlook?

Why does Bond still use Sony Ericcson?

I have more questions. But the 2013 is fast approaching so I must stop. That film is a hot mess.

How come we can find some God particle, but we still don't know who shot Tupac?

How come we can find some God particle, but we still don’t know who shot Tupac?

The Higgs Boson particle is just this thing we spent millions finding and now we’ve found it.  But still no Delorean and still no Hoverboard. What a let down.

Best moment: Boris on the zip wire. I can’t express my love for this moment enough.

Jesus this made me laugh. I don’t like Boris but I admire his ability to look like an idiot and be liked at the same time. If he could bottle it and sell it to idiots like Craig David, George Osborne and Sally Bercow.

Best use of a Public Enemy song:  Channel  4 Paralympics coverage of course! Hip hop and sport just goes. They lyrics of the song speak to every one who has ever been under-estimated.

I think that’s all I can manage before I venture out to enjoy the last night of 2012 . Thanks for reading and see you next year when maybe, just maybe, this blog gets some damned focus!


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